good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
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