I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
