THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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