This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
This is the high leading the old right now
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Randomize
