So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
