my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
