He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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