420 ftw
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
