Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
