smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
