I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
