somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
just tell him i said nine months
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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