please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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