me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
he thought i was a dude.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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