You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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