We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
