yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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