I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
