I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
