So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I need a hoe opinion
go on
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
