You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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