Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
