Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
