I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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