I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize