Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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