Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
