i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
