Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
