Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Holy shit dude........stairs
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
