He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
