..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
