Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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