I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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