Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
My vagina is officially offended.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
