Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
oh god was she eating orange peels again
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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