is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
