I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize