yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
