Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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