It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
