I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
