It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
