R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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