Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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