we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
