She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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