so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
We are all done wearing pants today
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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