Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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