.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
