she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
