I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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