no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
