is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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