just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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