Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
