I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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