Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
