Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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