so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
