I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
