Michael Bay diarrhea
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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