Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
