I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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