My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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