Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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