I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
