My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
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