you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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