Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
