be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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