I cockslap morals
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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