Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
