I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
