I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize