If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
